Things are changing around here. There’s not many squeaks running or churps flying about. I have to wait ages for a decent catch which rarely happens these days.   I put it down to that little white rascal, they call him Ollie, he’s an impatient little bugger too and doesn’t like sharing but coming to think of neither do I. Still I suppose things have to change when the seasons do – it makes a nice change walking on the crisp leaves and wet grass instead of that grey stuff on the floor they expect me to walk on. It feels like one big cat litter and I never did like the stuff!

One mustn’t complain though, I’ve gone from having to move out the way of cars to being able to sit, and at times roll, as the cars move for me and rightly so.  The grass goes on forever too – I tell you, it feels like an age having to run back at night, answering to the nightly call of cheese – that’s how they get me in you see. Otherwise I like to keep things fresh with the badger family and the foxes over the road. One must know who’s boss around these parts or they’ll be taking my cheese whilst I sleep.


It’s taken me a while to map out the area and Ollie and I did have words on a few occasions, we still do from time to time. But we decided  that  the apple orchard is mine for most of the time. I’ve dug out a patch in the bush from across the road where I can sneak though should I need to hide from the humans shouting for me to come in. Really? I’m older than they are and I certainly don’t  clock when they roll up past 7pm sometimes forgetting to cater to my every need possible.   Any way the orchid, I like to lay down on the strawberries – they’re so comfortable but the humans complain, saying that it squishes them but of course I know that, more for me.

I do get more cat time these days which is nice. I like to stalk the chickens well until one nearly flew at me – have you seen how huge those things are and the noise, I thought Buddy’s bark was high pitched!? I’m surprised we don’t have animals from miles around coming to join in the chitter- chatter. I have told them to be more cat, you know, quiet and cunning, a bit like a fox but with less grooming challenges but Buddy the dog tries to chase me which I don’t find fun at all.  Talking of noise – I can’t believe the amount that comes from the flocks of geese each night and morning. They’ve been at it for months now, I wish someone would tell them that whatever they’re looking for, it’s not in the sky…


I suppose when I do go back inside (which is a totally awesome experiences by the way) there’s a hole in the door which I can jump through,  the house is warm and I can find the nearest bed to curl up on. Lately one of the humans has been putting pieces of stuff, warm stuff on the floor, which I curl up on. It bugs the human though because apparently I leave my hair on her stuff – how rude of them to notice! It’s not like I complain with the amount of crumbs they leave behind on a daily basis that I ‘have’ to clean up with my taste buds.


Things are definitely different here compared to my last two homes. I feel like at my young 13 years, I’m going places. Quite literally actually, I regularly take the humans and buddy for a walk over more grass.  I’ve more things to test my pallet out on, though the humans seem to disapprove and then at the end of the day when I’m lulled in by cheese, I get to sit on one of my favourite human’s head until the sun rises and it’s back out through the hole in the door I go. Oh mustn’t forget breakfast though – which reminds me, I wished they’d stick to one brand, I’m not overly enthusiastic about change. Talking of food, before I go, I must tell you, I’ve discovered the most glorious of foods – avocados and porridge, although not together but maybe? Hmm.


Mr D



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